Today I realize that my inner addict is always working against me. Without clueing me in to what he was thinking, my inner addict is planning and plotting ways to undermine my sobriety. I have grown to recognize the signs, though they are subtle.

His rise to dominance begins in ways that are barely noticeable at first. My addict did things like forcing me to remember the “good times” that I had getting loaded and ignoring the disasters. He encouraged me to drive through the old neighborhood for no good reason or to show old addict “friends” that I have gained a few pounds. He suggested that I should stop doing the things that I did to get sober in the first place. I gave the addict power by “glorifying” the drug or drink when involved in conversation with sober friends.

I have a disease that is triggered by my own thinking. Just as a person trying to avoid the flu has to distance himself from people that cough and sneeze, an addict has to distance himself from poisonous thoughts. Just as a person tries to avoid HIV by not participating in unsafe sex, an addict must at all cost avoid unsafe thinking.